"What a silly idea," I thought. "Who in the world am I to give advice on parenting?! I'm still learning for myself and most days, wonder if I'm even close to getting this right!"
She was a HUGE support to me when I was pregnant with Blake (since she had recently been pregnant with her first as well) and so I felt like although I probably could "do" something more helpful to support her in getting ready for baby #2, I would kindly accomodate her request and share with her what I know. (As if I am an expert, HARDLY!) Yet since SO many other folks (friends and strangers alike) see us out with three little ones and ask us how we do what we do, I thought maybe others might like to see my thoughts on the matter, based on our experience. I have thought about it a lot, and here is a summary of what I've learned this far . . .
Advice From Still-Learning, Not-So-Expert Parents of One Plus More
1. Trust your gut!
You know what you know and no one knows your kids or what works best for your family than you. Believe that you CAN do a great job, and you will!
2. Keep moving.
Having more than one child requires that you live in almost constant motion. Why? Because that's what the chillins do! In their 7 months of life I've seen the kids all take a substantial nap at the same time only a handful of times. And now that the twins are crawling (and Blake is running), Raleigh and I are moving as fast as we can to stay one step ahead of them. As Raleigh says, "it's like herding cats."
3. Give yourself (and your partner) much grace.
Especially in the early days of having more than one, it's easy to find yourself doing things you swore you would never do such as letting your oldest watch t.v. or sleep in your bed, eating breakfast cereal for dinner, or wearing your pajamas until bedtime. It's not the end of the world and your children will not be ruined. Sometimes, you just do what you need to do to make it through the day, and then start again tomorrow.
4. Here and there, INDULGE!
It took me MONTHS to carve the time out to paint my toenails after the boys were born. And I felt like such a lady when I did, my only regret was not making the time to do it sooner. I learned it is important to do little things here and there to treat oneself in the name of nurture. To indulge even just a little bit can refresh the soul more than you might think.
5. It's all about . . . timing.
Whether you feel like you're going to pull your hair out or you're having a blissful I-have-this-parenting-thing-down type of day depends greatly on the timing of things. Something as little as the timing of meals, naps, playtime, etc. make a huge difference in how your kids do during the day and how you as a parent respond. I can still remember when this finally "clicked" for us--one day the kids were off just enough to run us ragged (Blake wanting to play at the same time I was trying to feed the twins, then needing to eat as I was trying to lay them down, etc.) and the next they were well behaved smiley angels and I didn't feel quite so stressed. So play around with the timing of things until you find a pattern that works. And as things flux (because they will), adjust accordingly.
6. If they all start to cry at once, take a deep breath. Then, proceed to suggestions #1 and #2.
And if you need to cry too, it's ok.
7. Ask for help!
Chances are if you look around you, you have lots of friends and family who love you and are willing (and happy!) to lend a hand where need be, whether it's watching your kids, helping with a meal or transportation, cleaning, or just listening to you and reminding you you're doing a great job. If you feel in need of some outside support, it's ok! Just ask! There is great truth to the line "it takes a village to raise a child," and this isn't more true than when you have more than one child to raise.
Give me time, and I'm sure I'll think of more "tips" to add. Parenthood is a process and despite how easy we may make it look (I still cannot believe folks who tell us we make it look easy--ha, what a joke!), I don't think we'll ever be experts!
