Showered with Love

On Saturday, December 3, 2011 I was surrounded by an amazing group of women (and two lovely little girls) and was completely and absolutely showered with love.  Megan--my friend of over 15 years or so now--generously hosted a baby shower in honor of Raleigh's and my impending parenthood.  Despite the cold weather and wet streets (the snow was flying hard in certain parts of town), many showed up to help celebrate the gift of Little E and his/her imminent entrance into the world.

As a special treat, the women contributed to a charm bracelet for me, to support me emotionally during our labor and delivery.  (Megan said it was the next best thing to having each of them in the room with us, and I agree!)  As each person added their charm, they explained why they chose what they did and more so, some piece of advice or well-wish for me/us.  I will forever hold the words shared in my heart . . .

Below are some of the photos from the day.  Thank you to everyone who came, and to Megan for such a wonderful gift--I felt so loved!

The ladies in my "circle"

 

My bracelet of strength and love

Our Little Pumpkin

Ok, so here we have it--our little pumpkin.  Twenty-four weeks in the making, and totally visible on this beautiful autumn day.

It's hard to believe that in less the time that he/she has been with us inside my belly, they'll really be with us, outside my belly and here in our arms.  And this time next year, be walking (with help, I'm sure) around the pumpkin patch as well, taking mommy and daddy every which way through the tall grasses, finding big and little pumpkins to consider taking home.  Carefully watching the animals in the petting zoo, and maybe even imitating some of the sounds they make.  Sitting on the hay bales, playing in the corn box, meandering through the tot-sized maze of straw and cornstalks, peeking their head through the painted cutouts of halloween figures so mommy can take a picture to send to grandmas and grandpas . . . Ahh, I look forward to that time.

And yet in the meantime, I'm enjoying our little pumpkin right where he/she is.

The Best Weekend EVER! (Pt. 2)

As Raleigh said before he left the house last night for work, "This was the best weekend EVER!"  And I totally agree.  :)

After giving us a beautiful show at the ultrasound appointment on Friday and enjoying a lazy day with mom and dad on Saturday (which included a much needed 3.5 hour nap for mommy), baby made himself/herself known again late Saturday night into Sunday morning.

After an evening gathering at Auntie Megan and Uncle Byron's house and then ice cream with Grandma and Papa Malsom's house, we came home to shower and get ready for bed.  Raleigh was still brushing his teeth as I laid in bed reading.  I could feel the baby moving (nothing out of the ordinary) and was quietly enjoying the little kicks and flutters.  Raleigh climbed in, and as he did, I felt the elastic band on my underwear against my lower waist stretch.  "Sweetie, put your hand on my belly," I suggested.  "Here," As we've done several times before, I guided Raleigh's hand to my belly where he gently set it.  He waited.

"Whoa!" he said, half jumping back in bed, eyes open wide.

"Can you feel that?!" I asked, half knowing that his response meant he really did.  He nodded with excitement and his face lit up with a HUGE smile.  So did mine.  We'd both been waiting for this moment for so long, and now, it was finally here.  :)

Another 4-5 kicks more (and they were good kicks--the kind that make your hand move visibly on the belly), baby was done for the evening.  But man oh man that was a moment neither Raleigh nor I will soon forget; it was awesome!

For the rest of the weekend, and even now, every spare moment Raleigh gets he feels my belly for baby's movement.  Sometimes, our little one stays still while other times baby gives him a nudge or two just to say "Hi!".  One thing is for sure, though, both of us look forward to the day when we can both consistently feel him/her move around, and I think this weekend means that time is getting closer!  Wahoo!

The Best Weekend EVER! (Pt. 1)

Ok so yesterday was the best, and when I say that, I mean THE BEST!  We had our 20 week ultrasound, which even after just the first few passes of the wand we could make out the image of the most beautiful face we've ever seen.  Oh my--he/she is incredible!  Two eyes, a nose, lips, two ears, hands and feet . . . all where they should be.  He/she had their arms bent up near their head, to which I teased Raleigh: "He/She sleeps just like you do!"  We could count fingers and toes, and once baby sat still long enough (he/she was wiggling around so much the ultrasound tech had trouble keeping up), even the individual vertebrae in the spine were visible.  All of baby's measurements look good, and we could see all 4 chambers of the heart, different parts of the brain, and when the tech turned on a special color-coded function to see movement of liquids, baby's blood vessels lit up clearly.

Baby's profile

Five little fingers . . .

Squirming away, we got the spine!

Baby was moving around so much that several times we had to look away so as not to see a peek of their girlie or boy parts.  (We told the tech not to tell us either way, though afterwards she confirmed it was pretty obvious to her.)

All in all, it was just WONDERFUL!  It felt SO good to see with my own two eyes all is well.  Raleigh held my hand the whole time, and gave me gentle squeezes every now and then as a silent "I love you" message I picked up right away.  It was just such an awesome experience.  (And once again, Raleigh had to wipe a few tears away.)  :)

Face on right side, looking out.

After we left the doctor's office in a fog of bliss and amazement, we went to our favorite restaurant to celebrate our baby's health and the halfway point in our pregnancy.  At dinner I gave Raleigh a new MLS ring wrapped carefully in an "All Star Dad" mug, as a reminder of what an amazing man he is to both baby and me.  By the look in his eyes and the words that followed, I think he liked it.  In fact, I know he did.

Dreams...

I have dreams just about every night now, likely due to the horomones racing through my system and the fact that I no longer get solid sleep--I wake anywhere from 3-10 times per night to pee, to rearrange the pillow between my legs, to roll over, etc.

For the first time however, I had a dream about our little one--a specific dream that showed me her face.  Yes, it was a girl.  :)

In my dream she was recently born, though the birthing process was already behind me.  Still, in those first few moments of seeing her face, both Raleigh and I were captivated.

Her face was round and slightly pudgy (I think lightly swollen from the birthing process), and pinkish-red in color.  She had bright blue eyes that she didn't hesitate to open to stare at us--calmly and intently, as if she was as mesmerized by us as we were of her.  She blinked once or twice, then kept staring.

She had hair (yes, she had hair!) which was dirty blonde in color.  It was about one inch long, and the air on her crown around her forehead stuck straight up--as if to imitate her daddy's spiky do.  (In my dream Raleigh and I giggled at that!)

In short, she was beautiful!

My dream ended as quickly as it began, and after a quick roll to the other side (and disappointing realization my previous vision was only a dream), I soon fell asleep and started another, new and different dream.  This time, we had twin boys (go figure!), which Grandma and Grandpa Malsom somehow managed to lose at Costco.  (I know, totally weird!)  Their names were Carson Quinn and Alexander Matthew.  (I woke up before we found them, in case you're wondering.)

The second dream wasn't as memorable as the first as I know we're not having twins this round.  Still, I wonder if in my first dream I did see the face of our little one.  I guess only time will tell, right?  Five months and some to go!

Could It Be . . . Baby???

On Friday (September 2nd), I think I might have felt baby move for the first time!  I was lying in bed, still waking up and yet aware of my surroundings, when out of the blue I felt my muscles in my lower right (front) abdomen area tighten . . . but only in an area about the size of a quarter or 50-cent piece, and almost in a "pushing-out" from the inside sense.  It was so strange; I have never before felt anything like it!  I laid there for awhile longer (hand gently resting on my belly) just to see if I felt anything further, but nothing.

All the books I've read say that I will begin feeling baby move any time now, but that first time moms don't often feel the movement as early as other simply because they don't know what they're feeling for.  I still tend to think I did feel baby, because I've never had that experience before and feel like the muscle "twitch" was too low and isolated to be gas or another explainable movement.  I suppose we'll find out soon as the baby moves more and more as they grow.

I do wish Raleigh got to feel the baby as soon as I do, only because this is so special to both of us I feel a little guilty experiencing this wondrous part without him.  I know that will change and at some point he'll get to feel the baby move too, but I do wish he could do more than listen to my stories of how it feels to have something alive and growing inside.  (Sounds like the plot to a scary movie more than reality!)  The words don't come easily all the time, as what I feel is sometimes tough to describe.

This afternoon I felt like what I can describe as little bubbles popping inside my belly . . . could that have been baby too?  Only time will tell, I suppose, and I look forward to confirming with the doctor next week that all is well and our little one is growing just as he/she should.

The Most Beautiful Sound

Well our 13 week doctor's appointment was on Wednesday (August 10th) and overall, was very "chill" as the doctor put it.  No gown on the exam room table, which meant I got to keep my clothes on; hooray!  I would have gladly dropped trousers for another internal ultrasound if that meant we got another picture of our little one, but the doctor said she'd only do that if she couldn't find a heartbeat which, thankfully, didn't happen.  So . . . we got to hear the heartbeat too!

At first the sound of the doppler machine rolling over my belly just sounded scratchy--like a bad radio frequency--but when she found the right spot and held the monitor still, there it was--clear and beautiful.  It was a very even, fast, and consistently-paced "swoosh, swoosh, swoosh, swoosh . . ."  About 150 beats per minute she said, more than twice my heart rate.  Wow--so cool!  I only wish we got to hear it longer than the 10-15 seconds we did, as either she or baby (or both) moved and after that, it couldn't be found again and our appointment time was up.

We have one more "chill" appointment in 4 weeks and then a couple weeks after that, our 20 week ultrasound!  That's the one where baby should be pretty big and completely developed, and if we want to find out the sex, we can.  (I'm still thinking we won't, though . . .)  I am so excited!  And so excited to feel baby get larger too.  My belly is definitely protruding and less and less of my regular clothes are fitting.  So here's to a healthy growing baby!

We're Getting Bigger!

This past weekend I went shopping with mom and my cousin Dawn, and picked up my first sets of maternity clothing.  It is so strange to be trying on--and purchasing--pants with expandable belly panels and shirts that appear way to big on the hanger.  I know I'll grow into them (my regular pants won't even button anymore), yet it is still so strange!

Our 2nd doctor's appointment is this Wednesday . . . here's to a healthy and growing baby!

An Inch of Miracle

Oh my gosh--Monday (July 11th) was the coolest EVER!  We had our first doctor's appointment and got to "see" baby for the first time!  We saw his/her whole body from head to rump (a mere 2.19 cm long--just shy of an inch!) and could make out a very strong, beating heart, little legs and arms that would twitch every now and then, and the cutest face (eyes, nose, lips, etc.) I have ever seen.  Baby measured 8 weeks, 6 days, which puts us at an estimated delivery date of 2-14-2012.  What a gift of love indeed!

Our Little One--First Photo!

It was just so amazing to see--really see--what the little life inside looks like.  The doctor said our little one will double its size every week for awhile, which means we'll have a 2" long baby next week this time; crazy!
I have generally felt so well thus far I was beginning to wonder if this pregnancy could possibly be in my head, but no--he/she is really there!

Raleigh's eyes teared up at the image on the screen and his verbal reassurances to both baby and I are so sweet and comforting.  he is going to be an excellent father, and in many ways, already is.  I am SO blessed to have him, and am so thankful we get to share this experience together.

Now that the first appointment is behind us (and all appears to be well!), we'll start to share the news with our friends and family.  It's good we'll get to spill the beans now, as it's been tough keeping something so exciting a secret for so long!

You know you're pregnant when . . .

Walking from the bed (upstairs) to the kitchen (downstairs) at 8p in the evening is so exhausting, you take a break to sit on the stairs in between and fall asleep again . . .

Hats

Today I came across this picture and it hit me--dear Kate looks good in nearly everything, and is especially fashionable in her choice of headwear.  This hat (which would look ridiculous on me) looks fantastic.  Even Mr. William looks quite dapper in his top hat!  I mean, how cute are they?!

In thinking about it, I've come to the conclusion that some people are just hat people.  They are able to wear all kinds of hats and look great.  Clearly, the English have it down.  Some are braver than others (see photos from the royal wedding for verification) however they do as an overall group look pretty good with something on their heads.

Me, on the other hand . . . well, I don't do well with much beyond an occasional stocking cap in the winter and/or a baseball cap on a lazy day I don't want to do my hair (of course even then, my ears stick out like a human version of Dumbo).  I've tried hats on before, and although they look good on the rack at the store, the minute it hits my head it transforms into a hideous piece of something-that-doesn't-belong-there.  Truly, I end up looking like a new character from the Muppets or a dressed thing-a-majig from a Dr. Suess book.  And even in the rare cases it doesn't look that bad, it still doesn't look good enough to justify the purchase.

Oh, how I'd love to be a hat person.  I'd totally like to have a great collection of hats versus shoes or jewelry or anything else, just because there are so many amazing, unique hats out there.  Check this out:

Beach Hat

Fedora

Knitted Beret

Bucket/Fishing Hat

Trapper Hat

Newsboy Hat

Maybe one day I'll find a hat (or two) that reflects my personality well AND looks good on my head.  In the meantime, however, I am not-so-secretly envious of folks who have already found their "hat knack".  :)

fashion feaux pas and fraggle rock hair

I am the farthest thing from being trendy.  For real.  Look at me.
The hippest things I own are a pair of pewter colored flats (wedding reception shoes), a set of spin pins, and a silver/ivory/black/pink pearl and glass-beaded necklace that loops twice around my neck for a super sexy look and 3 times to show a more sophisticated elegance.  I sometimes will sport a jean jacket over my dress clothes to add a chic urban flair to my otherwise (I feel) stuffy outfit, and sometimes I will wear my maroon corduroy blazer with a tank and jeans for the same reason.  I have some silk scarves I've once tied around my waist like a Hollywood diva (but it's been a LONG time), I don't own a single hat that isn't of the baseball or stocking cap variety, and I'm not a jewelry guru.  I wear my own thing (my style and color and whatnot), and that's that.  I go for comfortable far more often than I go for fashionable.  And on my stocky body, "comfortable" and "fashionable" don't often go together.

I'm just not trendy!

However . . . maybe I can be.  I read an article this week that said if you have some of items below, you're for sure to be trendy!  These items, they claim, should be in every girls' closet:
red flats: I totally want a pair.  A coworker of mine has a pair she wears from time to time and they provide the perfect pop of color with all the greys and blacks we often wear throughout the week.  But I wonder if on me they'd look more like bright red lipstick does to an over-makeupped glamour girl--eye catching, yes, but more of an "oh my!" than an "oh, myyyy . . ."
black dress: got it, yet it's nothing special.  One of these days I want the little black dress that just screams "lookin' hot and feeling good!"  You know, the one that when out on the town everyone points to and says, "Dang--that dress--and that girl--is rockin'!"
oversized watch: I've seen others pull this off well; me . . . well, I'm not so sure I could do it . . .
black opaque tights: Really?!  I hate wearing nylons of any kind!  I'd really have to stretch my box (and comfort zone!) to give that one a real shot.
leopard-print scarf: I don't think I could bring myself to do this one, at all.  Animal prints are just so not me.
statement necklace: Um . . . I could use some help here.  I know the necklace I mention above is pretty great, but I can't wear that every day . . .
striped shirt (horizontal): I'll do the vertical striped shirt, but I'm not in for the horizontal one.  No need to accentuate the belly I've long worked to hide.
classic trench coat: I think with the deep purple coat I received this past Christmas, I might really be on the way to having this one taken care of!

On top of all this, I have fraggle rock hair.  At least that's what Raleigh and I call it.  It's a patch of baby hairs growing from the crown of my forehead, that is now long enough to awkwardly stick up in a wirey bunch, completely contrary to the style of the day.  (Any day.)

With such hair and so few of the "must have" trendy items, I don't think I'm likely to be fashionable any time soon.  Maybe I should just stick to being me, since I appear to be good at that, trendy or not.

The Wheels on the Bus

Go round and round.  Yes, it is true; the song doesn't lie.

This week I've been commuting by bus (yup--from the Park-n-Ride 5 minutes from my house all the way to work in Centennial--35 miles), so I know firsthand how the whole system works.  See, it goes a little bit like this:

1. Wake up before the sun (5a) and get ready for work, minus wearing work clothes.  (Wear comfy clothes instead--with good walking shoes--and pack the work attire in the backpack for a change at the office later.)
2. Drive to the Park-n-Ride, and hustle to the gate near the highway for pickup.  (Unless you wake up earlier than 5a and can leisurly stroll towards the gate.)
3. Stand in the cold/sun/rain/hail (whatever Mother Nature feels like sharing) and wait for the bus.  If you're lucky, you'll be witness to a magnificent sunrise.
4. Greet the driver with a friendly smile and "Good Morning," and if possible, choose a seat 1-2 rows behind the wheelchair lift in the middle of the bus.  (Per my all-knowing husband, these seats provide the most legroom and provide the smoothest ride since they're at the pivot point between the front and back wheels.)
5. Settle in for a 45+ minute ride to the DTC.  Make sure whatever hot beverage you're drinking (because who can get up so early without one?) is securely situated where it won't tip over and spill if you happen to doze off during the ride.
6. Pull the cord when you're ready to get off (not too early or you'll be walking to the next stop, and not too late or you'll pass it and have to retrace your path back to the last one) and exit the bus.
7. Walk to the next stop, and patiently wait for the connecting bus.  Don't be alarmed if it is not there when it is supposed to be, as it is almost always late.  Enjoy your second dose of cold/sun/rain/hail (whatever Mother Nature feels like sharing) while patiently waiting.  Wait some more.
8. Board the next bus and sit down quickly; since the driver is late he accelerates and brakes in half the time he should and you'll get whipped around if not securely seated.
9. Ride the route, enjoying the whiptastic ride courtesy of the hurried driver and people-watching those who get on and off.  (My favorite so far is the young skater man who one day boarded the bus with his shoelace on fire--just another reason smoking is dangerous, kids--and today boarded with a different pair of shoes, with the right toe carefully wrapped with blue painter's tape.)
10. Again, pay attention to your location and exit the bus once close to your destination.
11. Walk the rest of the way to work (a short, 15 minute walk).  Enjoy the sights, smells and sounds of being outside so early in the morning: the birds singing in the trees, the smell of fresh rain on the grass, sounds of rushing water in drainage culverts, and the warm golden glow of the sun on everything her rays touch.
12. Get to work before everyone else, change into work clothes, and attempt to tame and re-style your hair which due to the humidity and wind looks as wild as if you were related to a lion or just completed a wrestling match with Randy Macho Man Savage.
13. Go throughout your day and then repeat the steps above, in reverse, once your workday is through!

So . . . really and truly, riding the bus isn't bad.  It has its ups and downs for sure, but the sheer fact that I'll be saving a TON of gas (and the money it'd cost to pay for it) each week, as well as the stress of driving in an hours' worth of rush hour traffic twice a day, and the physical pain in my shoulder from repeatedly shifting in a car that doesn't really "fit" my short legs and stocky torso very well far outweighs the costs.  Not to mention how much I'll be reducing the size of my ecological footprint . . .

And beyond that, the subculture of the bus is utterly fascinating.  Each day I see faces I saw the day before, and it's clear little communities exist on each particular route as folks ask others about their family, their work, and everything in between.  It's almost like a family.  The drivers for the most part are very kind and courteous, and with a very chipper attitude (a feat for those of us who are not morning folks) chauffeur us around town as we work from point A to B.  I giggle at how much it feels like we're kids heading off to school, exiting the bus with our backpacks and lunch pails, saying goodbye and "Have a good day" to the driver who with a sincere smile, wishes us the same.

The wheels on the bus do go round and round . . . all through the town.  And at least during the week, I'm going to be on it.

When Grandma Flew Away . . .

On Friday, April 1st, Grandma Ruth flew away Home.  Even now, in my grief, I take comfort in knowing that even before she took her last labored breath, Grandma Ruth was never alone, and had a heavenly escort the entire way to the gates of heaven.  Let me explain . . .

On Wednesday, March 30th, Grandma was unconscious most of the day.  She had taken a turn earlier in the week, and we, her family, knew her time with us was most likely coming to a quick end.  She slept most of the day, something the hospice nurse said was to be expected more and more as she made her transition.

At one point in the afternoon, she awoke with full lucidity, and in the mix of a clear and coherent conversation with my aunts and uncle in the room, asked a question that no one was expecting: "Who is that woman?"

"What woman, Mom?" my aunt asked, nearing her bedside.

"That woman right there, standing at the foot of my bed, wearing a long, white gown," Grandma Ruth answered.  "Can't you see her?!  She's beautiful . . ."

"Momma, there's no one there . . ."

And before anyone could probe any further, Grandma Ruth closed her eyes and slipped back into a restful sleep.  My aunts and uncle looked at each other in wonder about what happened, and resolved to ask her about it again if they had the chance.

Sure enough, a few hours later, my grandmother awoke again.  They discussed how she was feeling, if she wanted more medications, something to drink, what they each had done during the day by Grandma's bedside . . . and then, they asked.  "Mom, do you remember waking earlier, and asking us about the woman standing at the foot of your bed?"

"Of course I do," Grandma Ruth answered.  "I asked you who she was because she was just standing there, and I figured you'd know."

"But Mom," my uncle chimed in again, "There was no one there.  We looked, and we couldn't see her."

"That's what you say," Grandma said.

By now they were all wondering the same thing, but hesitant to ask in case it upset Grandma.  "Mom," my aunt carefully pressed, "do you remember, did the woman standing there . . . did she happen to have wings?"

Grandma Ruth cocked her head to one side to think for a moment, recalling her vision from earlier in the day.  "Why come to think of it," she said, "Yes, she did!"

There wasn't too much further discussion after that, as Grandma didn't stay awake for much longer and my aunts and uncle were too surprised (and exhausted) to dwell on the experience with any additional effort.  Grandma Ruth didn't wake again much after that, and slowly slipped deeper and deeper into a coma which along with medication to keep her comfortable, brought her ailing body much rest.  She finally flew away (I believe, with her heavenly escort) at about 10:45p CST on Friday evening.

This story brings me great comfort and joy, for a number of reasons.  First of all, from the moment we knew Grandma was going to be leaving us, I have prayed for God to keep her comfortable and for her to know how much she is loved and that she is never alone.  I actually prayed specifically for her to have an "escort" of sorts (though even in my prayers I didn't visualize a real angel guiding her way!), so that she could leave this world in peace and meet Jesus face to face without any anxiety or delay.  Perhaps this was my wish as I struggled to know that I most likely would not be by her side at the time she was going to leave us, and didn't want her to feel lost or lonely when her time would come.  To know that she was being watched over even before she left us brings me great comfort.  I can only imagine when the time came for her to fly away, that the angel took her by the hand, and led her the entire way.  She was not alone, and the best part--neither are we! 

Secondly, as I was discussing the situation with a friend, she brought up something I hadn't thought of before--Grandma's question/experience is such a blessing to our family.  To have verification from my grandmother herself to know that she was not alone is something that many families wish to have as they say goodbye to their loved ones, but never do.  It was almost as if through the experience herself, Grandma was saying, "See guys, I'll be ok.  I haven't even passed away from Earth yet and still God has sent his Angel down to be with me.  I am SO loved; you don't need to worry about me at all."

Furthermore, though, I believe that the experience was part of God's plan, in that allowing us to know of Grandma's heavenly visitor, we might each get a peek of the heaven that awaits us all.  We don't get to see everything now--it's not yet our time--however little bits and pieces like this suffice as proof that there is a heaven out there, and that God is great and wants us there!

Many times since Grandma's death, I have felt her presence nearby.  In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if she has assigned herself to be one of my Guardian Angels, just to stay nearby and keep watch.  If so, I smile at the thought and warmly welcome her into that role.  If not, I know I have my Angel nearby, and will one day, see my grandma (and all others who may go before) again!

2nd Honeymoon

Whoever said the honeymoon has to end, or that you can only have one?  Not us!

On April 10th we'll be celebrating our first wedding anniversary; yes, it's been a hear already!

With Raleigh's new job and upcoming schedule change, and the uncertainty of when we might be traveling back to South Dakota to say goodbye to Grandma Ruth, we decided to sneak away while we could, and left town for a weekend celebration on Friday, March 25th.

Our destination was Palisade, Colorado--the heart of Colorado wine country--and it was FABULOUS!  We enjoyed afternoon wine tastings, a quiet patio suite smack dab in the middle of a vineyard (really, our front door opened to rows of carefully hung vines), and the ever inspiring beauty of the Western Slope.  It was romantic, peaceful, and provided us both with an invigorating breath of fresh mountain air and a relaxing atmosphere.

On Saturday we decided to kick the adventure notch up a bit, and head 2 hours into Utah to visit Arches National Park, a place where Raleigh has wanted to go since he was a kid.  We had a blast!  We did a fair amount of hiking, but got far more than a sweaty brow and sand in our shoes; the memories we created will last a lifetime.  Here are a few of our favorite photos of the day!

And now, onto another amazing year!

More Time

Last week Mom and I traveled to the big town of Ipswich, South Dakota to spend some time with my Grandma Ruth.  As many already know, late last year my grandma was diagnosed with having a grade 4 glioma brain tumor, and after a biopsy in December and further testing at the Mayo Clinic in January, it was determined that the tumor is one that will more than likely grow fairly fast and that we probably only have anywhere a few weeks to a few months to enjoy Grandma's presence with us here on Earth.

I know her home is not here, however I am still not quite ready to let her go.  As I say this, I also readily acknowledge that I have no ability to control the timing of things for her, or anyone else that I love for that matter.  And I know it seems silly to say this, but I just wish we had more time.

I want to hear all her stories--how she first met grandpa and what their courtship was like, what she thought and felt as she made a conversion of faith, how was it to get indoor plumbing/television/computers/etc. for the first time, how in the world did she manage to birth and raise 14 children (for one of which she was taken to the hospital by home-crafted snowmobile as a blizzard had moved in at the most inopportune time), what it was like teaching in a single-room country schoolhouse . . . I want to hear what is on her heart--what were/are her biggest fears/hopes/dreams, what does she consider her biggest success, what (if anything) does she regret or wish she could do again, how does one continue on after the loss of a loved one (in particular, a spouse), or even, when facing their own death . . .  I want to learn and perfect her most famous recipes.  I want her to meet my children, to hold them, hug them, and love them as she was able to hold, hug, and love me . . .

All that being said, I know we don't have any more time than we do.  And I don't even know what that is.  So I'm just going to soak up every little bit that I can, and keep the happy memories I have of her close to my heart always, with these past 5 days among some of my most favorite.

I love you, Grandma . . .

Contemplations Re: the Deep Freeze

As these subzero temperatures grip our beautiful state and freeze our neighborhoods and cities with bone-chilling cold air and icy snow, I find myself thinking . . .

*Where have I hardened my heart?
*Where have I become cold and unmoving, frozen in my own self-serving ways?
*Where do I insist on doing things my way, regardless of the consequences?
*Where have I pulled inward, focused on the matters close to my heart, and in doing so made myself numb to and neglected those who need my attention and love?
*In which areas of my life do I need to again breath warm life, or rather, allow God to do that for me?

And most importantly, will I let Him?

Abundance Reigns

In December 2009, after a series in our church regarding stewardship, and much prayer and discussion, Raleigh and I made the commitment to God and each other that we would give the first fruits of our labor back to the Almighty One. In order to make the gift a true sacrifice and a significant representation of the abundance He regularly blesses us with, we chose to follow scripture and give a true ten percent--a tithe.

Now admittedly, although our inspiration for this action was indeed a calling of the heart, I for one, was curious to know if Scripture holds true, and if we would actually receive more than we gave away. It's an interesting thought--no where else in the Bible does God suggest you test him (see Malachi 3:10)--and I was curious to know if the great return I'd heard of was going to come in the form of warm fuzzies and good feelings, or if it just might be a little more tangible. (I wouldn't say I was expecting to win the lottery or come into a windfall, but I felt our chances might be a little better if we were generous givers to begin with.)

We knew it wouldn't be easy, and both agreed we would stick to our commitment regardless of how difficult it might get. (Seriously, we both acknowledged that we were shaking in our boots about the decision--there really wasn't any wiggle room in our tight budget before, so how would we find ways to cover all our expenses if our income was so significantly decreased each month?) In honor of the One who granted us the talents and abilities we have to earn our living (and quite honestly, to support us in our goal and ensure we don't spend the money elsewhere first), we decided then to take our tithing out in cash the same day we get paid, and offer it to the Lord the very next Sunday.

I am very excited to say that Raleigh and I have honored our commitment, and have been tithing since we agreed we would. And although there are many MANY weeks where the extra money in our pocket would be helpful (this week is definitely one of them), we have noticed SO much more abundance of wealth in our world. And as time goes on, although the giving doesn't hit our bottom line with any less impact, it does get easier to know that we will be taken care of regardless of what that bottom line is.

Here are some of the benefits we've experienced since tithing . . .
Unexpected opportunities (new jobs, cars, experiences, etc.), new friends, more time together and with family and friends, surprise bonuses/credits to debt accounts, still having money left at the end of the month to do we want to do (not sure how this works out since we aren't making much more or are paying much less in expenses than the year before, but we're still coming out on top!), random acts of kindness from friends and strangers alike, increased reciprocal love and support (and some not so reciprocal, but rather are just pure GIFTS), and on and on and on . . . there are so many times Raleigh and I have looked at each other after receiving another surprise "return" and said, "This tithing thing is pretty cool! God is great!"

We've also been able to practice and increase our:
TRUST--That the Lord will provide. Always.
FAITH--True belief that the abundance will remain, even after we decrease our share. No need for scarcity thinking/acting; there is more than enough for all of us.
COMMITMENT--Even in tough times (when the alternative would be much easier), we can hold true to our word and make a difference.
JOY--His blessings really are magnified and our hearts are open to receiving more of His goodness.

So, there you have it; we we are believers! In many ways it is in giving that we receive the most . . .

Remember this: Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will also reap generously. Each of you should give what you have decided in your heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver. And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work.
~2 Corinthians 9:6-8