Today we were walking to our car after mass at the same time a group of older folks were heading towards church. We didn't really notice them until they yelled across the parking lot with the question. The question that we get asked A LOT. We didn't even have to look around to see if they were possibly talking to anyone else, as once we heard the question, we knew.
"Are they triplets?!"
Now, I will admit I can see how from a distance perhaps, it appears that our boys could share the same birthday. They are all blonde and of about the same weight and height. However there are some MAJOR differences that I think would indicate that no, they are not triplets. First of all, the twins are identical and (especially to folks who don't see them often) look VERY MUCH alike. Blake looks completely different; his hair is darker, he is still at least a head taller than the other two, and weighs more as well. And as he should, he's also developmentally well beyond where they are with regards to walking/running/climbing/etc. and talking. These are all characteristics that if observed, would give great clues to the truth that the boys are not triplets. Brothers, probably, but triplets? No.
That being said, how am I to answer this question?
If I say, "Yes," that'd be a lie. I don't want to lie.
If I say, "No, just twins," I am downplaying how special Carson and Ethan are while negating the fact that Blake even exists as a member of our family. I'm not cool with that.
If I say, "No, twins and an older brother," (over time this has become my most common response), the response on the other end is usually an obviously (and audibly) disappointed, "Oh." And then the person(s) who asked the initial question usually go on their way without any other word or comment, their fascination with our trio suddenly as limp and as flat as a balloon that was just popped.
And THAT response--that walking away with obvious disappointment--quite frankly, is what REALLY bothers me. I find it incredibly rude and selfish when (while minding our own business) we are approached (or like today, simply called out) to question us about the boys' multiples status (of all things?!) and upon learning the truth--that we have three incredibly handsome, smart, energetic, healthy, and happy boys, two of which happen to be identical twins, but all three miracles nonetheless--decide our family isn't of enough value to continue talking to. I guess we're on the tipping point of being an oddity of freakshow status; we are an anomaly, but not far enough outside the realm of "normal" to be of value for further conversation or even basic friendliness. What are the children to make of this response? What might they start making up about themselves if this response is the one they see repeated the most often, from folks who don't even really know them?
I get it. People are curious. And twins/triplets/quads, etc. are interesting and exciting. And if I saw a family with several young kids all about the same age walking across the street, I'd probably wonder if they were multiples. But I certainly wouldn't go out of my way to ask the family that, and/or posture it the way most do, without any other greeting or relationship-establishing language. I mean, really, can't we first set even basic framework for some sort of friendly interaction, such as "Good afternoon" or "Hello"?!
I wish people would see us as more than just the family with twins (or "triplets"), as we are much, much more. And the boys are much more too. Each is amazing in his own right, and incredibly different (and special!) from the other two. Blake is more than just the older brother of twins. And Carson and Ethan are more than just one half of a pair. All three make up a tight band of brothers (I pray they stay that way!), and are not just a slice of the Raleigh/Kim Elstun pie cut into thirds.
I have learned to respond to the comment, "You certainly have your hands full!" with "Joyfully so, yes!" or "They are, but our hearts are bursting!" in an effort to shine the truth on the status of our family--busy yet loving, chaotic yet beautiful. I haven't yet come up with such a clever response to the triplets question, and know that regardless, we're likely to continue to get "the question," at least for a while. I hope that no matter what, I can answer in a way that acknowledges each of the boys as the special little men they are, both individually and as part of our family. After all, they each are incredibly amazing.
Go, Team E^5!
Go, Team E^5!
