In It to Twin It!

Ok, wonder no more!  Watch the slideshow below to learn who we will be welcoming into our family in approximately 5 months:

As one might guess, we are learning LOTS about our little ones.  Here are some facts about twins that folks might be interested to know:

• Women who have a family history of fraternal twins have a higher chance of producing fraternal twins themselves, as there is a genetically linked tendency to hyper-ovulate (releasing more than one egg at a time). There is no known genetic link for identical twinning.  Other factors that increase the odds of having fraternal twins include maternal age, fertility drugs and other fertility treatments, nutrition, and prior births.  (In other words, there is no medical “reason” for us to have conceived twins!)
• Identical boy/boy twins are the LEAST common of all twin types, preceded by (in order of most common to least) fraternal boy/girl , fraternal girl/girl, fraternal boy/boy, and identical girl/girl.
• There are several types of twins:
• Fraternal twins are two separate fertilized eggs that are implanted; each has their own sac and own placenta through which they feed.  (In other words, two placentas = fraternal twins, always.)
• Monochorionic-Diamniotic identical twins are one fertilized egg that split 4-8 days after conception; each has their own sac but share the same placenta.  (In other words, one placenta = identical twins, almost always.  In a very few amount of cases, fraternal twins’ membranes can “fuse” at the implantation cite to utilize/share the same placenta yet remain fraternal.)
• Monochorionic-Monoamniotic twins are one fertilized egg that split 9-12 days after conception; they share the same placenta AND same amniotic sac.  (In other words, one sac for both babies = identical twins, always.)
• If the division of the fertilized egg occurs later than the 12 days then conjoined twins are usually the result.  There are many complications with conjoined twins, since they share many of the same organs as the “split” is between the two is not complete.
• Monozygotic (identical) twinning (one fertilized egg splitting into two) occurs in birthing at a rate of about three in every 1000 deliveries worldwide.  As far as scientists can determine, there is no reason why the egg splits - it's a spontaneous and random occurrence.
• Identical twins do not have the same fingerprints, due to the fact that even in a small space inside the womb, the babies have contact with different parts of this environment, which gives small variations in the same digital, making them unique.  And although identical twins share DNA, their DNA is not exactly identical--leaving the opportunity for physical and other obvious differences between the two.

 And a couple other little interesting tidbits:

• If identical twin girls marry and have children with identical twin boys, their children are genetically half-siblings instead of cousins due to the shared/similar DNA.  Eeew! 
• Did you know naturally conceived fraternal twins could have different fathers?!  If the mom has sex close enough to ovulation with two different men, and happens to spontaneously release two different eggs, then it is absolutely possible to have two babies by two different fathers AT ONCE!!  This has happened before (the children born at the same time by the same mother were of different races and DNA tests were used to prove paternage was not the same!), so there is proof!

Blake's New Role

It came in the mail on Friday, and and we put it on for the first time yesterday afternoon.  It looks absolutely adorable on him.  Perfect size, color, and print.  Which is good, because do you know how difficult it is to find a size 6 month t-shirt that says "Big Brother"?

It's so strange having a baby and watching/experiencing your body change so much. Not just during pregnancy, but after too!  (There is much I could say here, but will leave the details to your imagination.)  Anyways, it's strange to be postpartum and not have any period, considering I was SO regular before getting pregnant with Blake. Even though the doctor's say that's normal and nothing to worry about, I did. It felt so weird for me in fact that on a whim I asked Raleigh to get a pregnancy test from the store. He did and a little over 3 weeks ago, I took the test--positive. Thought it HAD to be a fluke, so took the 2nd test in the morning--positive. STILL couldn't believe it (though the doctor said such tests rarely give false positives) and so requested a blood test the next day ("Ok, prove it to me," I thought)--positive. So there we have it--we're pregnant again!

After the positive blood test, we scheduled the ultrasound for the following week since I already had some time off from work. Because we don't have any "period" date to go off of, we knew we'd rely greatly on the ultrasound to determine how far along we are.

Well, we did have the ultrasound as scheduled and it revealed two very big things:
1. We were (at that time) 10 weeks along already. (Estimated due date March 8th--just about 2 weeks after Blake's 1st birthday.)
2. We are pregnant with twins.

Yes, you read that correctly--there were clearly two little heartbeats on the screen, and two little bodies making their moves. I don't think Raleigh or I could speak for several minutes.

I think you get the drift by our surprise that this wasn't our "plan" per say, but as Raleigh has reminded me, God's plan trumps ours every time! I mean, it HAS to be.  Getting pregnant at any time is a big miracle. Take into consideration all the facts regarding our particular case at this particular time (I'll spare you the details but can assure you we are very responsible people) and us getting pregnant now is an even bigger miracle.  And to be pregnant with twins when twins/multiples don't run in either side of the family . . . again, what are the odds?! So as we work to grasp our incredible reality, we truly believe that these children are another blessing from our Father above and we welcome them excitedly.

That being said, we are simultaneously TERRIFIED. Not only is a twin pregnancy considered "high risk" for all sorts of things (including pre-term labor and medical/health issues with the babies--super scary in its own right, especially after the trauma we experienced at the time of Blake's birth), but it is much more expensive as well. We have to see specialists from here on out, and our frequency of visits increases. This is all pregnancy-related costs of course, however after the babies come, we're in for some serious financial output as well. I mean, 3 kids within a little over a year?! Who does that?!  (Don't answer that!)

We always knew we wanted more than one child, and had figured we'd at one point in time work to give Blake a sibling--we just didn't think it'd be so soon or that more than one child at once could even be a real possibility! We're still trying to wrap our heads around it and figure out exactly how this will work.  (Where will we put another crib? What about TWO cribs?! What about day care? Is it even feasible for three? Time off from work for another maternity leave without pay or does it make more sense for me to stay home now? If I do stay home, how will that look financially, etc.?)  There are just so many questions. But somewhere deep down, we have faith we'll figure that all out. At least I pray that the snippets of faith we feel now find a way to stay in our hearts and minds with a little more (and increasing) permanency as time goes on. Although it's getting better each and every day, we both feel fairly overwhelmed.

Now that we know where we're at, I'm feeling the push to tell people since we won't be able to keep the pregnancy a secret for long--I have already "popped" this past week and (at least to Raleigh and I), feel like I'm visibly pregnant.  We're 12 weeks along now and showing like I did at 16 weeks (or later) with Blake.  I do have some anxiety telling folks (not including my side of the family and close friends, who know our character and love us unconditionally), as I don't want people projecting negative thoughts/images onto our children, making any implication that they were/not wanted. Truth is, these children WERE wanted AND loved before they were even conceived; the unscheduled timing of their arrival doesn't change that fact.

Still, I am in a bit of shock about it all and still processing. (At least as of the ultrasound appointment) I weigh less now than I did before we were pregnant with Blake, and besides having the appetite of a sumo wrestler, still don't have ANY "regular" pregnancy symptoms. If I didn't take the test on the whim, I'm not sure when I'd find out.  (I asked the doctor and he said I'd probably figure it out when I'm about 16 weeks with a hard and abnormally large belly and/or felt "something" moving around in there.)  That would have really freaked me out!  And to think I used to make fun of those girls on television who say they never knew they were pregnant!

As we think ahead of how the next few months will go, I feel pretty scared, moreso than when we were pregnant with Blake, probably because now I feel like I KNOW what we've gotten ourselves into. And Blake is such a good baby--if our hands are joyfully full with him, how in the world can we take on another two, even if they are angels themselves?!

Still, it will be ok.  We don't know how exactly, however we really, truly believe that.  And Blake is going to be an awesome big brother; we have no questions there either.  :)

If you're reading this blog I'm assuming it's because you know Raleigh and/or I and love us as family.  As such (and it might be obvious), I'm asking that you PLEASE pray for us--all 5 of us. Pray that Raleigh and I make good choices . . . about everything. Pray that Blake continues to feel loved and cared for, and transitions to his role of big brother well/easily. Pray for a healthy and smooth pregnancy, and smooth delivery of two very healthy babies (preferably, AFTER Blake's first birthday, if at all possible). Pray that I can make it "full term" (which is different for twins, I hear), and the details of "how in the world are we going to do this?!" somehow fall into place and become clear. Pray, pray, pray.  It's about all we can do right now as well!

Belly Laughs

And THIS is something I want to remember for a long, long, LONG time . . .

My First Mother's Day

So apparently daddy and Blake had been working behind the scenes for a few weeks, perfecting this surprise for mommy.  They casually revealed it after I came home from work on May 9th.  ("Hey, come look at this . . .")

Talk about the best Mother's Day gift EVER!

And as if that wasn't enough (I guess Ral couldn't guarantee Blake's timing), on Saturday I got these crazy awesome flowers (hand selected by my most favorite two boys) and on Sunday I was surprised again as Daddy took traced prints of Blake's hands into our local DQ, and (with Blake's approval) they made this.  I couldn't think of anything sweeter.  Literally.  I cried.

 I am SO blessed!  Thank you, Raleigh and Blake, for making my first Mother's Day so special!

B is for...

Of the 26 foam letters he could choose from, this was the one he grabbed to hold during bath time. Appropriate choice, don't you think? "B" is for Blake and bubbles and bath and boy and baby and BRILLIANT . . .

Disappointed. And yet still hopeful.

So here we are, at one day shy of 41 weeks and still pregnant.

Not that I don't love being pregnant (I really do!); I just REALLY want to see my little one face to face.  It's tough to explain how you can love a little person growing inside you so much without ever really meeting him/her, yet in pregnancy, it's what happens.  Both Raleigh and I love Little E so much already, and that love is compounded each and every day at what feels like an exponential rate.  And just like a gift that we know we'll get to open on one special day in the hopefully-not-too-distant future (and not a moment sooner), we are now waiting.

Waiting, waiting, and waiting.

Not just waiting for his/her arrival, but for ANY sign that he/she is actually coming!  I know things can change quickly (and thankfully so, or else all hope we'll get to meet our little one before spring might be lost by now!), however after hearing the doctor say today that I'm "behind" where most people are at this stage in the game (some cervical softening, but still no dilation), I haven't been able to feel much anything else other than disappointment and frustration.  I don't necessarily believe I'm doing anything wrong, but I am honestly unable to say that it feels like I'm doing anything right either.  I mean, how could/can I not be doing better so as to at least make sure that I'm physically progressing in some way that could support Little E in making his/her appearance when ready?  I know that a good percentage of first time moms deliver past their due date, however even by the doctor's admission, most of them are at least showing signs of moving towards labor and delivery.  Not me, though . . . I'm (at least per what the doctors can tell) as far away from that important benchmark as I was nearly 2 months ago.  In some ways, I'm feeling much like my dilation status--ZERO.

Although it may sound harsh and a bit dramatic, it almost feels like I'm hindering Little E's arrival somehow.  Physically I'm certainly not helping any, no matter how hard I try.  (Trust me, we've done it all--walking, walking, walking . . . pineapple, mango, spicy food . . . sex . . . visualization and verbal encouragement, positive affirmations . . . walking, walking, and more walking . . .)  And my lack of physical progress has also hindered the doctors from helping too (no stripping of the membranes with a closed cervix, I'm afraid), so it seems that I'm just "stuck" from every which end.

And emotionally--well, if this blog is any indicator--I'm just barely hanging in there.  I felt pretty good after leaving the doctor's office this noon, knowing that baby is still healthy and doing well (that is the important part, right?) and that under no uncertain terms can Little E stay in my belly forever . . . HOWEVER, as the afternoon has worn on and I've processed what he said . . . well, I can look at no one (or nothing) else as being responsible for my current condition (or lack thereof) and despite the words of consolation and/or encouragement from others, feel like I'm letting them down too.  My mom is hanging on to every text message or phone call as if it was my last (I picture her jumping onto her phone with each ring as a voracious tiger would leap on its next meal), and we're getting lots of friendly inquiries wondering how things are going and if baby has made his/her appearance yet.  "No," "Nothing yet," "Not a thing," and/or "Feeling fine and still no baby" have become regular components of nearly every conversation.  It's hard.  In some ways, I feel like the messenger of bad news to not only myself, my spouse, but also all our friends and family who are anxiously (and excitedly) awaiting the arrival of our little angel with us.  (Sigh)  I look forward to the moment when I can meet Little E face to face, bask in the joy of being a mother and (with Raleigh) family of three, and share the great news to all who care about and love us.

Until then, I keep praying for peace and the ability to truly (and I do mean truly) surrender to God's timing of it all.  In writing in my journal yesterday I realized that the conception of our little one was not according to our calendar, but His, and that just the same, I should remember (and trust) that His calendar still trumps ours (and for the right reasons too).  I mean, why should I now--of all times--suddenly be in complete control of a process that I've really only been privileged to experience because of His amazing grace and awesome love?  Why do I feel the need to take the reigns now, when we're just about to cross over onto a completely different journey and embark on an entirely new adventure?  He hasn't left us yet, and won't now . . . so why am I pushing for more autonomy?  Things might go a bit smoother if I take a step back and realize that maybe the reason I feel like I'm not in control of anything is because I'm not and remember that is a GOOD thing . . .

Ironic, huh?

Anyways, there it is.  I'm disappointed we're not "further along" and yet still hopeful that something will happen, sooner rather than later if possible.  And if not--well, it's not like I'm doing well pushing things in that direction, either.  I guess the Big One upstairs and our Little One inside are collaborating on just when exactly is the most perfect time to appear . . .

The Best and Worst Part

Recently one of my friends asked me what, in my experience, has been the best and worst part of pregnancy.

Thankfully, I don't have much to complain about.  I had maybe 2 days of morning sickness (related to being overtired, I think) and later on, the occasional woe of a swollen ankle or two.  I have experienced a sore back, difficulty picking things up from the floor and/or tying my shoes, running short of breath when doing, well, pretty much anything, and some laughable memory moments when I've forgotten my wedding date and/or where my phone is (in my hand at the time); however, those are for the most part (or so I've heard) to be expected.  None have been debilitating, and considering the low severity with which I've experienced all of them, I think I've been pretty lucky.

So, back to the question--what, in my opinion, has been the best and worst part of pregnancy?  After much thought and consideration, I feel very confident in one answer for both--how people have treated me.

On one hand, there is something so wonderful about being pregnant (especially once showing) to have such widespread concern for my comfort and safety.  Strangers offer up their seats on the bus/train, hold open doors, allow me to move to the front of the grocery line, and/or offer to carry pretty much anything heavier than my handbag.  It's awesome.  Ladies in particular seem to be more friendly, and start warm conversations about babies and baths and everything in between where there would otherwise be awkward, cold silence and/or an indifferent shrug to my presence.

From people who I know, I am regularly told how beautiful or "adorably pregnant" I look, and generous offers of help and support are abundant.  From house cleaning to laundry to (obviously) moving heavy furniture . . . I am not expected to just "figure it out" or do it on my own--I know there are dozens of hands and hearts that would jump in at a moment's notice.  Even knowing that Raleigh is at my side (and very much a dependable spouse in every which way), there has been an overwhelming invitation to make sure we have what we need, and/or at least know that we have folks to count on should we feel outside assistance would be helpful.

On the other hand, there are many (strangers and loved ones alike) who treat me like I'm completely incapable of doing anything other than standing, sitting, lying down, or breathing.  I know that at least for folks who love me, their motivation isn't malicious and their insistence on me not doing something (such as running a self-powered vacuum across the carpet) is more based on the fact that they want to be sure I remain safe and healthy, however it is annoying when so many seem to take my current state as an open invitation to comment on what I should (or should not) be doing and/or give their opinion as to how I should do things differently.

I am a perfectly smart, capable, and strong woman.  I am nearly 30 years old, have read (and continue to read) much, and am receiving proper prenatal care.  I too want a healthy, happy baby at the end of this pregnancy, and want to remain as comfortable as possible during this process.  I will not do anything stupid to jeopardize that and any comment or move that indicates otherwise feels like an insult, no matter how well-intentioned.

Same goes for the objectification I often feel; because I'm pregnant, many now see me as only a baby in a belly, completely unattached and separate from the rest of my person.  Instead of seeing me as woman who happens to be pregnant, the pregnancy is all some are able to see and in many ways, I've disappeared.  They greet my belly before saying hello to me, stare incessantly at the bulge beneath my shirt (yeah--as if that's appropriate at any other time), and make references to my child in a way that I believe they wouldn't dare do if he/she were on this side of my belly button.  The warm conversations I mentioned earlier often lead to awkward questions about my breastfeeding plans or the comfort/size of my breasts.  And maybe because I'm a first time mom (and must therefore not know ANYTHING about this process), I am regularly subjected to the comments of those who want me to know their opinion--about day care, our birth plan, my weight, parenting methods, etc.  Even the color we chose for the nursery has been scrutinized.  Nothing seems to be off-limits.

And the baby talk--ugh.  Don't even get me started there.  Let's just say that it doesn't impress and I am grateful our child will primarily learn how to speak from what they hear from Raleigh and I, not the many comments made their way in high-pitched half-sentences and incomprehensible babble directed their way now.

So, I guess that's it.  Maybe next time it will be different (because I'll have a little person in tow as proof that I haven't completely screwed up as a parent), and maybe it won't.  I guess that even if I get to deal with all this during pregnancy (the good and the less-than-great), the best, BEST part is still ahead and will be worth all that's brought us to this point--when we finally get to see the face of the little one we love so much, and hold him/her in our arms.