Womanly Woes

Sometimes, it's just rough being a girl. Case in point:

This morning I was paged to meet a family to discuss and notarize some of their adoption documents. As I was gathering my things and preparing to leave the room, my coworker Andrea said, "Um, Meems . . . turn around a sec." I rolled my eyes, obeyed her annoying request, and quickly spun in place. Within half a rotation I could feel cool air on the back of my upper thigh and realized why she was suddenly staring at me with such big, round eyes. The back half of my skirt was tucked up into the bottom side of my underwear, exposing my the whole upper half of my thigh. I quickly untucked my skirt, giggled in embarrassment, thanked her profusely for catching the fashion faux pas, took a deep breath, and then headed out to meet the family.

Although the crisis was diverted (I don't think anyone else in the office had noticed my exposed bum before Andrea did), I was paranoid for the rest of the day and double and triple-checked my skirt every time I sat, knelt, stood, or used the rest room. Talk about stress! And all because of a skirt!

In addition to reconsidering my wardrobe choice for tomorrow, the situation got me thinking . . . unless they wear a kilt, boys would never experience what I did today! And as I usually do, I kept thinking: what other traumas do only girls endure?

Here's my quick and partial list (compiled with help from my Clothing Crisis Averting Coordinator, Andrea):
Headlights.
*Some guys may have breasts, but I'm fairly certain they don't show their headlights when chilly or wet like we do. And as if having the beamers on wasn't enough, ever notice how the casually-rub-with-your-forearms move to lessen the intensity of the reveal never looks casual nor seems to help for long?! Argh!
Overflow.
*No matter how discrete we try to be when Aunt Flo comes to town, there's always the risk she'll make her appearance known to the world. Boys should feel lucky they never have to consider what color pants to wear depending soley on the time of the month.
Exposure.
*Males may often run around bare-chested in public without a second thought, however for girls, showing some boob can be a pretty traumatic event. Whether chilling at the swimming pool, meeting a client at work, hanging out with dear ol' grandma, or shaking hands at a job interview, the "girls" should--but don't always--stay in place. Playing peek-a-boo like this usually isn't fun.
Red Teeth.
*Like my skirt issue, lipstick on the teeth is something we usually don't know about until someone tells us. And unless they're a drag queen or it's Halloween, I've yet to catch a man with color on his pearly whites.
Bikini Bumps.
*Nearly impossible to avoid altogether, and very annoying on the pantyline. Plus, they look nasty too.
Raccoon Eyes.
*Sometimes we don't even have to cry to get the mascara around our eyes all gooey, goopy, or smudgy.
Peeking Panties.
*Although it can be cute and somewhat sexy for a guy to let his boxers peek out above his pants, why is it so gross for a woman to do the same? Add the problem of panty lines to the issue and we have ourselves a gender-biased skivvy dilemma.
Boob Sweat.
*Yes, we have it (even those with a smaller chest), and yes, it is gross. Deodorant can sweeten the smell (if there is any), however once it gets warm under there, persperation is usually inevitable. I suppose men who sweat on their bald heads can somewhat relate, however considering untreated sweaty boobs can lead to chafing, I hardly think it's the same.
Juggling Jugs.
*Any wild thoracic motion and the breasts are usually not happy. The larger the boobs, the larger the boob pain. And any girl would agree the sports bra is a pathetic answer.
Cramps.
*Some women are blessed with never experiencing these, however most of us have at least once felt the pain of Red's Revenge. Midol can help and heat can soothe, however cramps are sometimes bad enough I think even boys would be cranky.

Shaving legs and armpits, waxing lips and eyebrows, watching for runs in the nylons, slipping tight tummy tuckers over the belly, plucking grey hairs from one's head, and keeping finger and toenails neat, clean, and polished also seem to be annoying female-only duties. Oh, and if you're counting the pain factor, don't forget to throw in childbirth too. I hear that one's a doozy and last time I checked, not a single man has pulled it off.

Ahhh . . . sometimes it's just a pain being a girl.