JOYFUL.

It's that time again . . . time for change, new direction, and unseen possibilities.  And as before, I'm going to ditch the traditional New Year's Resolution list to select what my friend Jen calls a "touchpoint" or a "companion" for the next year.  Time to choose a word for how I want experience (and therefore how I want to be) this coming year.

And I'll admit, I write this post with much angst, as this is a big deal.  A BIG deal.  My word for 2013 was TRUST (click here to read all about that one!), and boy oh boy, did I have plenty of opportunities to practice that!  From welcoming the boys via c-section early in the year, to learning to "grow gills" as I not-so-gracefully transitioned to parenting 3 young kiddos, to searching for adequate day care for the boys, to my Dad getting suddenly and deathly sick (an experience that wasn't short-lived, either), to Ethan having open heart surgery . . . it's been quite the year and I've had no lack of occasions during which I could focus on and live out my word.  And although I struggled immensely in the moment, I look back and can see that despite the intense challenge, my word was perfect for all I encountered and supported me especially when I found myself in situations much bigger than myself, during which I needed to have some reassurance (and hope!) things were going to (somehow) be ok. In some small way, my ability to TRUST played a part in helping me survive this past year.

Survive.  In so many ways, I feel like that word alone summarizes what I did this past year. It was hard, really hard. And although I have some pretty amazing stories to tell and benchmarks upon which I can count the year as a success, I am pretty sure I could do without the stress and chaos I feel I found myself swimming in for a good portion of the last 365 days.

That leads me into what more/different/better I want for this year.  Sure, I want to survive; yet I want to do more than that, too.  I want to thrive, and in doing so, I want to live joyfully.

I want more peace, less chaos and stress.  I want to laugh more and cry less.  I want to delight in my children more often, playing with and loving them with a blissful energy that matches theirs.  I want the "tasks" required by motherhood and marriage to be accomplished cheerfully, with a spring in my step and a constant, happy reminder of how blessed I am to get to be three little persons' mommy and someone's wife.  I want to enjoy more, and "manage" or "simply get by" less.  I want to smile more often, and spend less time clenching my jaw while bracing for the next impact.  I want to take in full, deep breaths that rejuvenate, not little wisps of half-breaths that feel like they're coming through a straw and simply allow me to tread water for another minute or two.  I want to nurture the relationships that are important to me, contributing to their vibrancy and growth, not be in the position to lean on them one-directionally, drawing their life and energy dry.  I want to feel free of the emotional weight that has burdened my shoulders for so long, and instead skip with a lightness and bounce that nearly leaves me weightless.  I want to live a life that is VIBRANT and exciting, nourishing and generous, lively and regenerating . . . and I want to enjoy it all.

I know I cannot prevent the things that occurred this past year from happening again, and I know that 2014 is likely to hold its own stresses and challenges to wade through and conquer.  If there's anything I learned from 2013, though, it's that each moment is a gift and I am blessed in more ways than I can count.  This year, I want that understanding to permeate all that I do, and allow me to truly enjoy all I've been given.

I choose JOYFUL . . .