Perfectly Perfect and Still in Need of Prayers

As I look at my sweet Ethan tonight, I find it hard to envision how his little heart is just not working as it should--he is so perfect in our eyes! Today's echo confirmed the positive growth seen last month was short lived, as the hole in Ethan's heart remains and does not appear to be closing. It is no longer smart to "wait it out" in hopes that things change. Surgery will occur within the next two months. 

Thank you for the prayers...this momma (and her boy) really need them!

Today's Lesson

Today Blake learned two very important anatomy lessons while taking a bath with his brothers...
1. "Gentle" still (very much) applies when belly button exploring, and
2. The only penis we are allowed to touch is our own.

Thankfully, he is a quick learner.

And back down . . .

So after yesterday's good news, today's less-than-good news tastes more than bitter. 

Ethan will need open heart surgery to repair the hole in his heart; it is simply not healing on its own and the increasing weight difference between the twins (currently 1.5 lbs) is too much to ignore. Surgery will be in approximately one month.

Sigh.

All day I have been fighting all sorts of feelings about this, and am doing my best to remain both grateful and positive, which has proven more challenging than one might think.

Continued prayers for our tribe are much appreciated...

Blake's Brain--the results are in!

For those who have been following our family since God blessed us with our first son...

So today was our boys' 2 month check up. Carson weighs just over 10 lbs, which is a gain of about 4 lbs in 6 weeks. All looks good for him! Ethan weighs 8.5 lbs, which is a little less than 3 lbs in the same timeframe. All is good for him too, although his growth is definitely slower since he doesn't eat as much as his brother due to VSD tiring him out during feedings. Checked his oxygen level, which is fine, so good there. He has an echocardiogram tomorrow, which hopefully will tell us more on whether or not the hole in his little heart is closing on its own or not (gulp).

In other news . . . DRUM ROLL PLEASE . . . Blake's one-year follow up MRI results are in and all but one of the spots that were "never going to go away" are gone!! In fact, all spots in the critical language center of his brain have disappeared! The lone spot remaining is on the side of the brain, smaller in size than before (only 4 mm), and now characterized not as dead tissue but as "high density white matter" which can sometimes exist in folks without previous injury. Our God is an AWESOME God and Blake proves to be a miracle again! A perfect little head on our perfect little boy! 

Now for those angels to heal Ethan's heart so he can catch back up to Carson in size and remain healthy and happy . . .

Thank you to everyone for your prayers; keep them coming!!

Boy Smells

Raleigh: Did you notice that Carson already smells like 'boy'?

Me: What?! 'Boy'?!

Raleigh: Yeah, 'boy'. If we don't give him a bath at night, he smells like 'boy'. Here . . . (He lifts Carson's head to my face, at which point in time I give a quick sniff over.)

Me: That's 'boy' smell?

Raleigh: Yup. (As he issues me a quick proud papa smile.)

Me: Well then, I guess I have a lot more of that to look forward to, don't I?

Here's to a lifetime of 'boy' smells, and all that comes with it. :)

I choose...

Laundry.
Dishes.
Write Thank You notes.
Sort mail.
Work on journals/baby books.
Upload and order photographs.
Organize baby gear and hand-me-down clothing.

I have SO much to do.  Really, the list is quite exhausting.

Yet instead of any of these, I choose to hold my babies.  Stroke their hair.  Trace my finger over their soft cheeks, and lay a gentle kiss upon each one.  Soak in each moment of this never-to-be-repeated day in their babyhood.

I choose to sit on the floor with Blake midday, barefoot and in our pajamas, and stack blocks as quickly as possible before he knocks them to the floor.  To delight in his boyish giggle and that irresistible toothy smile.  To remember how happy he is to simply have me here, playing with him.

I choose to breathe deeply, and remember that today is just one day.  One day, that I will never get to see again.  So take it in, I will.
Everything else can wait.

Outnumbered

It's happened.  We're officially outnumbered.  :)

At 10:19a on Saturday, February 16th Carson Matthew Elstun was born.  One minute later, his brother Ethan Joseph made his way into this world.  Both boys weighed in over 5 lbs each (Carson at 5 lbs 6 oz and Ethan at 5 lbs and 1 oz) and let us know how healthy they were by crying often and LOUD from the moment they made it to this side of my belly button.  (In fact, at one point, both kids were crying in unison!  Raleigh's got a great video/recording of that!)  They were so healthy in fact, that their APGAR scores were 8/9 and 7/8 respectively; we were/are so proud and happy!

And because the boys were doing so wonderful, they got to stay with me/us the entire time after birth--no NICU visit!  They roomed with us in the Mother/Baby Unit and were discharged with me on Tuesday, February 19th.  Hooray!

Besides having normal pre-surgery jitters and a reasonable amount of anxiety related to what life may look like once the boys were born, the only scare we had was at the end of our hospital stay when we learned that Ethan's heart murmur is caused by a moderate-sized VSD which will need some follow-up.  Other than that, we experienced peace and calm and general happiness that we weren't so lucky to experience during Blake's birth.  What a blessing that our "high-risk" pregnancy and delivery was smoother than most everyone (including our doctors) could have guessed.

Still, now that we're on the back side of that part of the process, I surmise that ease we experienced was to make up for the double amount of work that it's taken at home, transitioning to a family of five.  Because believe you me, it's been a LOT of work and Raleigh and I have been seriously challenged, sometimes feeling like we're barely surviving...

Clash of the Schedules:  Babies need to eat every 2-3 hours.  I pump after nursing in order to increase my milk production, and provide bottles for the boys to eat at night (saving time when I'd rather be sleeping).  Blake naps twice per day very much on schedule and is in bed by a certain time each night.  Making sure I have the kids awake at the right time so that Blake can still get his naps in (and get to bed every evening) and the boys can eat on time has been tough.  Add in time for pumping and the desire to still get on the floor and play with Blake when I can, and there isn't much time for anything else.  Hopefully we'll continue to fine-tune the daily schedule until we find a groove that flows.

Teething and Nighttime Feedings:  It's truly a bummer when you are up every 2 hours to feed (and/or pump) throughout the night, only to have your one year old wake up screaming right as you crawl into bed because his mouth hurts due to incoming teeth.  It's a double bummer when he then refuses to go to bed for two more hours because, well . . . he can.  Bottom line--there's no good time for teething; especially with newborn twins at home.

Big Brother Blake: We're still working on "gentle", although he's really doing quite great.  He loves to kiss his brothers (see below for image of the adorable act) and yet can get carried away with "patting" their heads and faces.  (Aren't newborn eyes so irresistible to poke at?!)  He also can still be a bit clingy at times, wanting to be held exactly at the same moment that we are busy feeding his brothers--sometimes with pant-clinging tendencies.  Many times, once we're done with them, he's more than content to play on his own.

It's My Party and I'll Cry if I Want To: There's nothing worse than when both twins and/or both twins AND Blake are all crying and want attention NOW.  How's a good mom/dad supposed to choose?  (Usually this circumstance results in mom crying too.)

I'm a Milking Machine: At least it feels like it.  Two out of every three hours I'm either nursing the twins, pumping, or feeding them a bottle of expressed breast milk.  No wonder I feel like I resemble the black and white animals from Grandpa Simon's dairy farm!

Hormone City: Yes, coming down from twice as many hormones running through my body is twice as evident as it was when I was post-partum from a singleton birth.  Thank God Raleigh believes I'm not going to stay this way and as far as I know, hasn't yet packed any bags.

Despite the above, we are incredibly happy and grateful to have three amazing, beautiful, and healthy boys.  Team E^5 will prevail and soon (I hope), be thriving once again!

Please continue to pray for our family:

• That we continue to make this transition to a family of five with much grace and love...and patience--with ourselves and our children.
• For Ethan's heart, that it heals itself and requires no surgery or other medical treatment.
• For Blake's brain, that the upcoming MRI (to check on things since it's now been a year after his traumatic birth) reveals that everything is working perfectly and (God-willing), that there is no evidence of any of those infant infarcts!
• That we are able to find great child care for our kiddos for my return back to work, and soon!