Tongue Trouble

So those of you who know me best know that I tend to say things that are often misinterpreted. From time to time the innocent comments that come out of my mouth are somehow transformed into something a little less clean than I originally intended. A hearty laugh often ensues directly afterwards by all parties involved, of course that's only after some blushing on my part and a few moments of awkward silence and a "Did she really just say that?!" look on the faces of those around me.

Of course after the years of giggles and unintentional innuendos, I've learned to laugh off my tongue trouble with a smile (and some slightly rosy cheeks). And after much prodding on behalf of those who have giggled with me, here's a sneak peek into what some might consider my Top Ten:

10. I go at it with my mouth wide open.
9. There's nothing like getting wet and slippery with good friends.
8. Friends are like a bowl of ice cream I enthusiastically lick clean.
7. Do you have a sensitive head?
6. Stiff is good!
5. The harder the better; I like a good challenge!
4. It's HUGE, isn't it?!
3. I'm brave . . . I'll swallow.
2. I like being on top; how about I start on top and then we can switch? Either that, or I can always just stay on top.
1. Now you can't go down on me . . . you're just going to have to play with it.

What does all this mean? Well, here's the decoding key to the statements above (you didn't think I actually meant to make those comments the way they sounded, did you?):

10. My innocent response to the age-old question, "How do you eat an elephant?"
9. A comment I made when making plans to go to Water World last summer. (And I suppose I could say this again in regards to my jello wrestling plans for June . . .)
8. I shouldn't equate friends to my most beloved edible treat--no matter how I say it, it sounds very wrong.
7. This question (asked to a male) was in the context of a discussion regarding scalp massagers.
6. A comment I yelled at the airport when instructing friends how to stand while posing for photos. I suppose "Don't slouch." might have done the trick, too!
5. My response to a question about the difficulty level I prefer on games and puzzles.
4. My poorly-timed response to a male friend who was telling me about getting out of the shower by a mirror . . .
3. What I said at a crowded candy store said when debating on whether or not to spit out some nasty candy I tasted.
2. Compromising with a dear male friend when discussing sleeping in bunk beds while camping.
1. My response while eating (and fighting over) a brownie and ice cream with a male friend (it's a long story).

I'm sure there's more . . . these are just the few I haven't been able to forget! I guess there's a reason why I won the "Best Unintentional Innuendo" award followed by the "Oops, I Did It Again" award by my PLD teammates last July, huh? :)