Tongue Trouble

So those of you who know me best know that I tend to say things that are often misinterpreted. From time to time the innocent comments that come out of my mouth are somehow transformed into something a little less clean than I originally intended. A hearty laugh often ensues directly afterwards by all parties involved, of course that's only after some blushing on my part and a few moments of awkward silence and a "Did she really just say that?!" look on the faces of those around me.

Of course after the years of giggles and unintentional innuendos, I've learned to laugh off my tongue trouble with a smile (and some slightly rosy cheeks). And after much prodding on behalf of those who have giggled with me, here's a sneak peek into what some might consider my Top Ten:

10. I go at it with my mouth wide open.
9. There's nothing like getting wet and slippery with good friends.
8. Friends are like a bowl of ice cream I enthusiastically lick clean.
7. Do you have a sensitive head?
6. Stiff is good!
5. The harder the better; I like a good challenge!
4. It's HUGE, isn't it?!
3. I'm brave . . . I'll swallow.
2. I like being on top; how about I start on top and then we can switch? Either that, or I can always just stay on top.
1. Now you can't go down on me . . . you're just going to have to play with it.

What does all this mean? Well, here's the decoding key to the statements above (you didn't think I actually meant to make those comments the way they sounded, did you?):

10. My innocent response to the age-old question, "How do you eat an elephant?"
9. A comment I made when making plans to go to Water World last summer. (And I suppose I could say this again in regards to my jello wrestling plans for June . . .)
8. I shouldn't equate friends to my most beloved edible treat--no matter how I say it, it sounds very wrong.
7. This question (asked to a male) was in the context of a discussion regarding scalp massagers.
6. A comment I yelled at the airport when instructing friends how to stand while posing for photos. I suppose "Don't slouch." might have done the trick, too!
5. My response to a question about the difficulty level I prefer on games and puzzles.
4. My poorly-timed response to a male friend who was telling me about getting out of the shower by a mirror . . .
3. What I said at a crowded candy store said when debating on whether or not to spit out some nasty candy I tasted.
2. Compromising with a dear male friend when discussing sleeping in bunk beds while camping.
1. My response while eating (and fighting over) a brownie and ice cream with a male friend (it's a long story).

I'm sure there's more . . . these are just the few I haven't been able to forget! I guess there's a reason why I won the "Best Unintentional Innuendo" award followed by the "Oops, I Did It Again" award by my PLD teammates last July, huh? :)

Just call me Dorothy

Toto, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore; it's starting to look a bit more like Florida . . .

Yesterday I was approached by my boss with a rather large proposal to move to another state (can you guess which one?) for 2 years to help set up a branch office, train staff, and get things moving smoothly. The benefits include a slight pay raise, a promotion by title, and the experience I'd gain from making the move and stepping into such a leadership position. Oh, and not to forget the warm weather and near proximity to the beach. :) The drawbacks include: first and foremost, being away from my friends and family whom I love very much, moving out of my condo (which I've worked so hard for and have totally made mine), and leaving my current job duties (which I love) far behind to take on a completely different role in my field. I know two years doesn't sound like too long to some, however if it doesn't turn out like I envision it, two years (no matter where I'm at) can be a very long time.

I'm still attempting to analyze the situation from every angle before I make my final decision (which shouldn't be a problem since I'm the best thinker and over-thinker in town ), however I've got so many thoughts rolling around in my head right now I feel as though I'm caught in a twister with no real sense of which direction will bring me out of the dark chaos into the light of peace again. I keep hearing voices swirl around me telling me which way to lean and why I should lean that way and how one direction is better, smarter, or more right than the other . . . and I feel the tug of friends and family wanting to support and encourage me to take the risk yet secretly wishing me not to leave . . . and I'm fully experiencing the fear and uncertainty of the unknown in front of me regardless of my decision . . . Argh! Why am I making this so tough?!

I definitely see that I'm not really going anywhere fast when it comes to arriving at a final decision to go or stay, however every day I think and pray about it a little more and every day I come a little bit closer to my answer. I'm not revealing that yet (not until I'm 100% positive my answer is final and I'm completely at peace with it), however the other side of the rainbow isn't too far away. I'll catch you all on the flip side . . .

Umbrella anyone?

Does anyone have an umbrella I can borrow? I think the saying is very true; when it rains, it pours, and right now, it's pouring. I go for several months (okay, maybe that's a slight exaggeration) without any serious contact from any interested men in my life (the Tool doesn't really count here) and then within 24 hours, I'm bombarded with phone calls and surprise visits from male admirers who now want to shower me with the attention I know I deserve. Question is, why now? What's changed? Is it because I've emotionally moved on and now appear to be out of reach, like a beautiful butterfly that again needs to be chased in order to be caught and enjoyed? Is it because something has changed from their end, and they now realize what a mistake it was to let such a great gal like me slip by? And more importantly, what am I to do now? In which direction should I allow my heart to lean? Here's what I have to say to some of the men who have chosen to re-enter my world:

KMann--Although I do have fun with you, I'm quite clear you and I are not a good match. The bodybuilding type just doesn't appeal to me and that portion of your life seems to be much larger than I previously thought. We can be friends, however that's it; I want a boyfriend to become a husband, not a personal trainer.

The Ski Bum--I'm disappointed you didn't respond to my comments about my feelings of you leaving for so long. If it wasn't important to you how I felt, then why did you ask? And if me being honest with you was enough to make you back away from what I felt was going to be a great friendship, then you definitely aren't the one for me. I suppose if you lost the ski bum lifestyle and were more grounded in your focus regarding career and family, I might be a bit more interested. Since that doesn't look to be happening anytime soon, I suppose a friendship is where we'll end for now. Of course, even that is a two-way street and I refuse to walk it alone . . .

Mr. Gem--What's the deal?! I liked you SO much and for quite some time, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt you liked me too. Then you turned cold quicker than I could comprehend and seem to only be keeping the bridge warm enough to cross over at a later date. Don't you understand it's my heart you are playing with? This isn't a game! I've finally believed with all my being that I deserve better than someone who wants to play tug-and-war with my emotions and only come my way when it's convenient for him. I want someone who will be there for the long haul and who will treat me as I deserve to be treated. Until you're ready to step up to the plate and be that man, please step back and let me go my own way.

PJ--Friends. Yes, friends; that's all we are. Please understand there are just far too many differences between us for this to be anything more. I love our relationship the way it is, though, so please see that as a very good thing. We are friends and as I do with all my friends, I care about you. Please accept that.

The Doc--I'm still unsure as to where I stand with you and where I want things to go. I'm very sure of myself (for once), however I don't know if you're as ready for me as you may think you are. Guess we'll have to see on this one, too.

Stampede Boy--Where are you? I thought for sure you'd pop back into my life soon as well! I believe your no-show is a good thing though, because I knew from the get-go you were not (and still are not) ready for me. I guess you finally realized that as well, huh? Please know I wish you the best as you figure things out for yourself and do take care; you are a self-proclaimed sensitive man that seems to be quite fragile and I don't know how you expect to move forward if you're afraid take the next step because of a fear of being broken . . .

I suppose I could address a few more of you (and a couple of which are very recent additions to my life), however I'm still waiting to see where you select men take me. If you want to be with me, I am confident you will make sure I know you're interested as I know the man that wants to join me in my journey will move mountains to make it happen. If it doesn't go there, that's okay too, though, as I am open to and grateful for whatever relationship we create.

May the rain continue . . .

The shower will eventually subside to a trickling, I know (I've discovered that's how the ebb and flow of life works), however that doesn't help keep my clothes dry at this point. I guess I'll remain confident in who I am and what I want and will not settle for less that I'm worth. As long as the last raindrop I catch is the one I want to stay with me forever, I will be just fine. :)

Brighter Skies

Ok, so I'm officially out of my funk and am ready to continue down my path towards Happily Ever After. I know that somewhere along the road, a wonderful man will join me and choose to walk along side me all the way to my desired destination. Until then, I continue on my journey, having fun and sharing love with those around me. Even though I don't know who my permanent escort is just yet, I do know that once he reveals himself, he will be with me from now until . . . well . . . forever. :) It WILL happen, I just don't know when. So patience is a virtue and I am going to again give myself another chance to receive all that's coming my way. And ready I will be--ready I am--for that special man to sweep me away. :)

Brighter skies are here in my professional life too as I'm on the verge of receiving a great promotion. So here again I wait for the official news I've been waiting and working for for quite some time, while enjoying where I'm at and being grateful for all I have. Promotion or not, I love what I do and based on results, I'm good at it. There is a reason why I am where I am and am very glad to have followed my heart to this satisfying place.

My family is wonderful and my friends are just as awesome, and I am always blown away as to how blessed I am to have such amazing people in my life. The support and love I receive is undescribable.

I do know that clouds will come and darken up my sky every now and then, and I may even have a few thunderstorms and rainshowers from time to time, too. Yet those are temporary conditions that will only stay for a short while before leaving, and I strongly believe the sun will shine even brighter in my life after those moments. So bring on the sun, bring on the rain, and I will grow. And the cycle will then begin again. :)

Is it here yet?

Ok, so I know my time will come. So . . . is it here yet????

I'm still working on the patience thing . . .

My Time Will Come

Ever have those moments where you're extremely happy for someone you care about, are excited they're getting exactly what they want, and wholeheartedly know that they're worth every ounce of the joy they're experiencing . . . yet are a tad bit sad (and jealous even) that you're not in their shoes, experiencing those same great feelings in your life? Well, I think I've found myself there today as my dearest friend has found herself floating on the highest cloud with a sweet man who treats her well and at this point, is a Prince Charming through and through. And here I sit in my own fog of bewilderment and ambiguity, watching in awe and excitement as she floats above me, and wondering when my time will come to soar high? And even though I ask this question, I truly believe (and know that I know) I know the answer. My time will come when it is meant to come. I may not have an exact date written down in the books (as I prefer them to be--I'm such an analyst), however usually things don't work out that way. Look at my dear friend, Debbie, for example . . . she wasn't anticipating anything and then WHAM! she flew into the sky quicker than anyone might think. It was practically overnight. So that leads me to consider my life, and realize the possibility of something amazing happening tomorrow is great. And if tomorrow is not the day, the next day might be, or even the day after that . . . as I told Debbie (I'm so smart), there is no set timeline for these things. Right?

So knowing all this, why do I let my mind take me to that place of sadness and jealously (even though it's minute and short-lived), where it seems there is no hope? I know that is as far from the truth as possible, so it's silly to even go there. My best guess is that these feelings mean one thing--I am human. And for that I am grateful. Feelings such as this verify that I am alive and am a wonderful, active, strong being that is truly LIVING my life, and EXPERIENCING all life has to offer. I have more than just an inkling that it's times like these that make the floating-high-in-the-sky moments so amazing. After all, how would we know to appreciate the light of the sun if we didn't ever experience the darkness of night?

And no matter how dark the sky may be, in my world there are bright stars sparkling overhead. Perhaps they've been placed there to remind me just how blessed I am . . . in good times and the even better times to come.

Yes. My time will come. I am sure of it. :)

Back on track and ahead full steam!

Alrighty . . . I'm ready to leave the dark gloom of last week in the past and look forward to the bright and sunny days ahead. I don't know what may be in front of me, however I do know that it's my choice to have fun with whatever (and whoever) comes my way. 2006 is still my year . . . I can feel it . . . and I have no doubt I'm going to create some amazing things. After all, the first month and a half have already brought me more than I had hoped, and I've proven time and time again nothing will slow me down. I AM a brilliant, loveable, SEXY woman enthusiastically accepting my greatness now, and nothing--I repeat NOTHING--changes that!!